Cousin

  I got word today that my cousin was dying from cirrhosis of the liver and kidney failure. He wants only his mom and dad with him. His wife died years ago.  

  I'm overweight and unable to sleep normally because of alcohol.  We weren't close, we are at least a decade apart in age and didn't stay close.  

 I've tried to stop but if it's in the house I'm drinking it.  My husband keeps buying more and I haven't been able to tell him to stop. Until today.  

He wants to die at home with just his parents by his side.  I can only believe that is because he feels like his parents should be there, not because he wants that.  

 I would've been a good mom. I've taught my cats manners and how to share. Some don't get along but they know that when they are around me it's a safe/comfy zone. They may grr a bit but they soon calm. 

 They aren't the same around my husband. He's not as consistent or stable. When he grrs playful they often run and hide because of how often his grrs mean throwing and kicking things around.  

 He doesn't understand why they run.  He doesn't understand consistency or stability. 

That is a big reason why I don't have kids. 

  My husband won't open up and talk to me.  If something is really bothering me and I tell him about it he takes it as me being mean to him. It's never actually about me. 

    I want a relationship like Midge and Joel Maisel.

 It seems stress, anxiety and the need of help from others can only occur when it's convenient. 

 If you do not "choose" a convenient time you are simply a burden.